Just WebMD It

Just like Hot Messer, a/k/a Leah Messer from Teen Mom 2, (Trademark: Shannon at Life After I "Dew"), I thought I would WebMD my symptoms I've had lately.

OK, so she used google, but I didn't want to confuse the issue with Twilight.

No? Just me? Oh, that's right, I watched it every night for 8 nights in a row in Denver because that was the only DVD I had with no cable.

Anyway, back to WebMDing it.

On Monday night, I had a great workout, a great first day Clean eating, had a great fashion convo via text about what to wear to training at the new job, and then around 10pm, it hit me. It was hard to swallow and I was uber achy. I didn't really feel bad Tuesday morning, probably adrenaline.

And then I was hit with a Mack truck around 10pm again. Like, a Mack truck hauling a shit-ton of cement barriers.

In fact, ask anyone who saw me on Wednesday, and they will tell you exactly how crappy I looked. Including the doctor.

Once the doctor was asking me about symptoms, she starts telling me about things she's going to test. (Side note, this happened in September when WebMD told me I might have bubonic plague or just tonsillitis, whatever.) Naturally, in the mean time, I get out my handy WebMD app and confirm that I, in fact, must be pre-cancerous, or plagued, or some other ancient slash Oregon Trail disease.

All the tests turned out negative, but based on my responses to her symptoms - fever, aches, sore throat, headache, nausea, exhaustion (Legit fell asleep in the exam room, in a span of 10 minutes) so she rattled off what I was going to take so quickly that I didn't comprehend the whole regimen.

Dramatics may have ensued when I realized the doctor said that I had to get a shot in my ass. Yeah. My. Ass.

This shot? Was no joke. Oh, and the CNA that drew the short straw to stick my ass opted for my arm. Because "there's enough tissue." (Read: You wave twice, so I'll take the arm over the ass.) As it started, there was intense pressure and heat as the medicine worked through my arm and chest. I got so woozy she laid me down and pulled the biohazard bag over in case I chose to vom.

Granted, you might think how awful that was. I would beg to differ if you were feeling anything that I was before the shot. This was a magic shot because I could move again, swallow again, and not wish for death. It was magic juice that I will ask for next time if I get this bad again.

Can we also talk about how crazy your sleep and dreams become when you're fevered? Legit brought real life into the book I was reading. What book would be crazy in DC? How about Storm of Swords. It's the third book in the Game of Thrones series that is about medieval fantasy world with a form of zombies, wars, amputations, assassinations, dragons, betrayal, love, families, and big words that I have to look up. I mean, dragons flying around the Washington Monument and knight turning Metro buses into lightening bolts is a normal dream, right?

I digress.

Moral of the story, don't trust google or WebMD for diagnosis.