Thursday, January 5, 2012

Dear Teen Mom Tards (With My Thoughts)

Kristen over at First Name Smith wrote the following post: Dear Teen Mom Tards. I have my thoughts in this font. Please note, I agree on all fronts. Legit. And the whole post is here, so no need to click on the link right this second, but go there for her blog in general. Just after you read this.

Dear Teen Mom Tards

I'm sure you all have heard by now that Leah Messer is pregnant with her third child and engaged to her 2nd baby daddy only 6 months following her divorce from Corey. Keep those legs together, gal. Even if you were on BC, you were doing it wrong. 

No? You don't watch Teen Mom?

I follow Teen Mom and 16 and Pregnant religiously. And the only kids with their shit together are the ones that actually gave their child up for adoption rather than playing in the poor house with kids they can't afford and don't necessarily have the maturity to raise on their own. Props toCatelyn and Tyler. Love those two. Even if Tyler needs a new hat. Boyfriend wears the same one every day. I follow them on twitter. I cringe at their grammar, but in the end, they are not as big as a train wreck as others.

I don't really understand, Chelsea. Your inability to see past the fantasy of a true family for you and Aubrey, while Adam is blatantly captain of the douchebag train. And girl... please work out that helmet hair. Its not a good look. Although, I do love your eyeshadow... Mac? Seriously, own up that you're wearing a wig. And then ask Kim Zolciak how to style one. Also? Just because he had a strong swimmer does not make him a strong man. Dump him. NOW. Also? LISTEN TO YOUR FATHER. Adam is a grade-A loser. LA-WHO-ZA-HER. When people in your life aren't around you because you're around a doucher, take that as a sign.

Janelle? You are sitting in your car by yourself crying because none of your friends will bail your abusive boyfriend out of jail on Christmas? Listen, I get it. I have been known to "love" a few asshats in my day. My mom always told me I was a jerk magnent. But honey, Jase is adorable. And you are missing out on the most amazing memories with him while you're running around beating chicks up and getting arrested. You don't realize how good you have it. Except for that mom of yours... she's a nutbag. Kind of explains how you are so bat shit crya cray too. Y'all, you need to go to and get some dish. Apparently her bad taste extends to a mix between Keiffer and Chelsea's Adam. Legit loser. And as far as Keiffer is concerned, I need to slap him upside the head for thinking that he didn't deserve to be jailed for beating someone. THAT WAS FILMED. 'Tard.
Kailyn, you kinda have your shit together. If it weren't for that dufus you're dating, I'd give you an A for effort. Own place, two jobs, asking for help when you need it. Props sistah. But cut your hair. That shit out of control. She needs to chop half of it off. And consider getting some exfoliation. I just want her to get a facial.  Oh, and homegirl needs to get a handle on her facial expressions. Eye rolls, hair tosses, "ughs" all mean something and it's not good in a work-related environment.

Is there an age limit to those shows? Because I'm pretty sure at 32 years old that I shouldn't be into them as much as I am. And I am also pretty sure that I shouldn't relish in their failures and bad decisions as much as I do. But lets face it. Their downward spirals make for good tv. And grant me the opportunity to love in the fact that my life, albeit lame by their drama standards, is hella more stable than theirs.  Every episode validates my life choices. Granted, I don't necessarily have all my poop in a group, but I didn't get knocked up while still having a legal curfew. Also? I love my parents. They aren't batsit bananas, well, I mean, as far as when I was a teenager. There might be signs of aging at this point. But that's another post.

Even on days when my wine supply is low. Or chocolate, for that matter.

and Photobucket

1 comment:

  1. OMG! I love this post...seriously, I'm addicted to these trainwrecks.....I just cannot get enough. And I totally agree with you on the part where you said that watching these chicks makes you feel like you got your shit together. OMG, ME TOO!! Totally makes me feel like the best Mom/Wife and just plain person in general! LOL! I love it!