Thursday, September 13, 2012

An Open Letter to Red Vines


Dear Red Vines,

I do love your delicious licorice. I have fond memories as a kid of your Original Red Twists. I had them at movies, at birthday parties, and sleepovers. They are a delicious treat mixing corn syrup, citric acid, your own secret flavoring, red dye number 40, and WHEAT FLOUR.

Wait. Let me get this straight. My beloved confectionery is made using wheat flour?!

Where, why, how, who, what could possibly possess you to take something as innocuous as corn syrup and throw in gluten in there? Why not corn starch?

Why you gotta hate on people with auto-immune sensitivity to gluten? Seriously. Not cool, Red Vines. Not. Cool.

All a girl wants is to bite off both ends of a Red Vine, stick it in their soda and have a fun little straw. Then maybe eat said straw because it's extra sugary from your soda.

Or maybe you want to twirl a Red Vine like a helicopter while you're standing around chatting with your mom because you both love Red Vines.

So again, Red Vines, I have to ask why do you use wheat flour? Have you experimented with rice flour? Almond flour? Corn starch? Quinoa flour? Millet flour?

Please, for the love of everything holy, get your chemists, scientists, and resident Betty Crockers together to brain storm and try new recipes so the major allergen group that you're discriminating against can enjoy your delicious candy.

That would be great, thanks.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

So What Wednesday

It's that time of week where I link up with Shannon at Life After I "Dew" and say SO WHAT!

So WHAT if...

  • I have several posts in the hopper, but can't get them posted? I mean, I have some attention issues. And some internet issues.
  • I got rid of internet for a week? We cancelled out Comcast because it wasn't working at all. And then we had a week before we got our new internet. It was a little liberating, a little scary.
  • I have no idea what I'll do when Real Housewives of New Jersey and New York City have their season finales? I love their particular brand of crazy.
  • I am legitimately freaked out by Frankenweenie, but want to see The Possession? I think that Tim Burton in general gives me the heebee jeebees.
  • I love me some Broncos? Welcome to Denver, Peyton. Thank you, Indy for drafting Luck. 
  • I have been taken of the Watch List? The heat wave known as summer in DC has broken for a bit. I can wear jeans and a blazer and not sweat through every layer designed to keep boob sweat, low back sweat, pit sweat, and swamp ass at bay. That, and I don't get all stabby while I get ready in the morning.
  • Speaking of feeling stabby, I can't help but get all stabby when I see Kristin Stewart? I mean, I can get through a Twilight because I fell in love with the books (a la Hermoine in HP), but I see previews for Snow White, and all those stabby feelings come back.
  • I realize I am not a 14 year old Twihard or Potter lover? I just like good books that are so engrossing I can't wait to find time to read.

p.s. You really need to check out Shannon's new blog design. Amazeballs.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

So What Wednesday

It's that time of the week where I link up with Shannon at Life After I "Dew" and say SO WHAT!

So WHAT if...

  • I nearly forgot to write my SWW post? It's a holiday week and it feels like Tuesday.
  • I cancelled our high-speed internet? Before you keel over, let me just tell you that we live in an old house (like, 1880s old) where the landlords used cheap wiring throughout the house for cable. That means we don't really get internet, so we were paying for a service that we didn't really even have.
  • The roommate is in charge of finding an alternative? She's good at looking things up and becomes obsessive over things, i.e. apartment search, so why not have her look into this, too.
  • I am about to fly off the handle about this humidity? Seriously. You can't apply makeup to a wet face. You can't dry your face and then put on makeup because the millisecond in between still produces sweat.
  • I don't know how I'm going to get through the rest of this godforesaken heat? In case you couldn't tell from my rant yesterday or my previous so what, I AM OVER IT.
Go link up with Shannon and say your SO WHAT!

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Layers, Long Sleeves, and Jackets...Oh My!

Y'all. Packing is tough.

Packing is tough when you're going for 10 days and have special events that require their own shoes.

Packing is tough when it's fall and you want to wear your boots and bring another pair for good measure.

Packing is tough when you're thinking about it three weeks in advance. (Because you're an obsessive list maker.)

Packing is tough when it's 88 degrees with 70% humidity which equates to a wet heat somewhere between "Balls Hot" and "So Effing Disgusting You Take Multiple Showers Everyday and Change Your Sopping Wet Clothes A Lot."

Packing is tough when the climate that you're going to, while it does still approach 80 degrees, it truly is a dry heat, and when the sun goes down or is obscured by clouds, the day star's heat actually stops heating the earth.

Packing is tough when you know that you're going to check a bag and have already rationalized a carry-on wheeled suitcase and perhaps even the Vera Bradley Grand Traveler (the size of a carry-on wheeled suitcase) for good measure. You know, because, well, you might need that outfit or you might acquire a new outfit.

Granted, I have three weeks. I have plenty of experience packing. I know that I'll start laying out my clothes by outfit (including accessories) so I will get everything I need. I know that I will make endless lists on my phone and in paper to keep track. I know I will consult my social events with the weather reports leading up to the trip incessantly to be prepared.

But really? I am just so stinking excited to go back to my homeland! This is the longest I've ever been out of the state of Colorado in the past 29 years, so it's a bit of a change.

Also? Next summer, I need to get out of DC because this heat is killer. Or rather, it makes me want to become a killer.

There's something the be said about homicide rates increasing and hot weather. I digress.

Happy holiday week!