So What Wednesday

Linking up with my BBFF (Blogging Best Friend Forever) Shannon at Life After I "Dew" for another edition.

So WHAT if...

• I had frosting for dinner Monday night and marshmallows for dinner last night? When you have yogurt and open face turkey sandwiches on rice cakes, you've got some calories to spare. 
• I am content with frosting as dinner? It's my favorite consistency. Not baby food, but more of a FroYo/mashed potato/frosting/smoothie type. I swear if all food was like that, I would have no problem having a balance diet.
• I got birthday thank you cards for my office mates? They had cupcakes on them and it wasn't until I was back in the office that I saw the cupcakes had a candle in them. I'll take it like lighting a candle in vigil for my departure. I'm delusional enough in my grandeur.
• I keep contemplating getting a legit blog design? I get gun shy when it comes to making the decision though. I can't justify a blog design over lattes. Priorities until mama gets a bigger paycheck or a sugar daddy. Cross your fingers for both.
• I am excited to start my new job? I get to organize and color coordinate objectively. Hence why my life is a little cray cray but work life is legit Container Store and Martha Stewart labeled and contained.
• I am just posting my SWW after lunch? Lots to do away from the desk like visiting with soon-to-be-former co-workers.

That Moment

Country songs will tell you that you have that "moment" where everything clicks and you know that it's meant to be.

I have those moments and call them deja vu. Legit will have a dream where I'll talk about something that, at the time, I do not understand but when I'm in the moment, I know exactly what I'm talking about. Those are moments when I know I'm exactly where I'm meant to be in time and space. Whether it's the path I'll be on for awhile, in that moment, I'm there. Those affirmations are what let's me know that I'm not drifting aimlessly through the universe.

Crazy, perhaps, but I had another type of moment last night.

I was HeyTell-ing with my girl Shannon and we were ranting about our days, chatting about random things, you know, girl talk. I was having dinner dessert of spoonfuls of Betty Crocker Rich & Creamy Chocolate Frosting (made with real Hershey's Dutch Cocoa) when I received this pic from Mrs. Dew:

"Having this for you" 

This moment? Is how I knew that we are sisters from another mother. Granted, she only had a spoonful since she was legit baking a cake for co-workers, I was having multiple spoonfuls and contemplating a spatula to get the last bits out, thankyouverymuchPMS. She knew that I had ranted about wanting Red Vine straws with my soda and was denied because they are made with flour so I was drowning my sorrows in gluten-free frosting.

Although we've never met, we have blogged, ranted, HeyTell-ed, texted, and just generally gotten to know each other over the interwebs. Basically, we are modern day pen pals. And that? Is pretty cool.

Getting My Art On

This weekend, I cashed in my Groupon to Art by the Glazz. It's a painting class with a bar. Basically, heaven on earth.

I had done Canvas & Cocktails in Denver before and thought that I could add to my artwork here.

The picture for the evening was On the Waterfront. Sounds easy, right? I mean, I would receive some direction to get this, right?

I'm all over this.

And then the class started.

There wasn't so much teaching as it was, get started and we'll walk around the room. So? I painted what I know. Colorado sunsets. None of this waterfront crap. And I totally wrecked my at-home mani. But then again, it was a wreck of a mani to start with, so it wasn't a total loss.

Also? There was a girl in the class who probably consider better friends since no one told her that she had an obscene tag still on one of her layers.

I mean, how could you NOT notice?

 To review, I'm not good at painting unless you give me direction and I will be left to my own devices.

And really, Homeland Sunset deserves some more prominence. Let's be fair.

Yeah, that's the Colorado flag.

When the class walked around, someone commented on my clouds as some modern artist's color degradation series. Whatever. I'll take it.

So What Wednesday

Linking up with Shannon at Life After I "Dew" and saying SO WHAT!

So WHAT if...

• This is my first blog post of the week? I had Monday off, yesterday was busy at work, and well, I didn't do it.
• My mom scolded me for using "tards" in a blog post title? I asked if she read the post to see that I was copying another blogger's post into mine and that wouldn't be fair to change her product. My mom didn't read the post. I told her to scold once fully informed.
• I'm back to eating all the delicious food after only a week? I know I said that I was in for the long haul and it's easy, but really, I wasn't doing it for any other reason that showing people that it could be done.  And it was cramping my social life. Moving on.
• I am considering becoming a Caps fan? I was only a mediocre (at best) Avs fan and I don't actually own any Avs gear. I figure I should have at least some fan gear for my new home, yes?
• I still have no idea where I'm going to live? I have some time, but not a whole lot. I'll figure it out because I'll have to figure it out. 
• I have already filed my taxes? The day I get my W-2, I'm online and filling out the forms to get my money back. I'm a simple filer, so it's cake, easy, and gets me some money I was gracious enough to loan the government interest free.
• I may have suffered minor brain damage by completing my DC return by hand? It was my first time not using software and I was skeptical (read: brain damaged) sifting through the information, but once I went line by line, it was cake.
• I'm going to get rid of my precious DVR? Mama needs to save as much dough as possible given that the gravy train is over on January 27.
• I have an insane DVD collection? If I don't have cable, then I'll have DVDs to watch while my shows are loading on my computer. Win-win.
• My DVD collection has a lot of animated movies? They warm your heart and make you giggle. Why wouldn't you have them?

Just WebMD It

Just like Hot Messer, a/k/a Leah Messer from Teen Mom 2, (Trademark: Shannon at Life After I "Dew"), I thought I would WebMD my symptoms I've had lately.

OK, so she used google, but I didn't want to confuse the issue with Twilight.

No? Just me? Oh, that's right, I watched it every night for 8 nights in a row in Denver because that was the only DVD I had with no cable.

Anyway, back to WebMDing it.

On Monday night, I had a great workout, a great first day Clean eating, had a great fashion convo via text about what to wear to training at the new job, and then around 10pm, it hit me. It was hard to swallow and I was uber achy. I didn't really feel bad Tuesday morning, probably adrenaline.

And then I was hit with a Mack truck around 10pm again. Like, a Mack truck hauling a shit-ton of cement barriers.

In fact, ask anyone who saw me on Wednesday, and they will tell you exactly how crappy I looked. Including the doctor.

Once the doctor was asking me about symptoms, she starts telling me about things she's going to test. (Side note, this happened in September when WebMD told me I might have bubonic plague or just tonsillitis, whatever.) Naturally, in the mean time, I get out my handy WebMD app and confirm that I, in fact, must be pre-cancerous, or plagued, or some other ancient slash Oregon Trail disease.

All the tests turned out negative, but based on my responses to her symptoms - fever, aches, sore throat, headache, nausea, exhaustion (Legit fell asleep in the exam room, in a span of 10 minutes) so she rattled off what I was going to take so quickly that I didn't comprehend the whole regimen.

Dramatics may have ensued when I realized the doctor said that I had to get a shot in my ass. Yeah. My. Ass.

This shot? Was no joke. Oh, and the CNA that drew the short straw to stick my ass opted for my arm. Because "there's enough tissue." (Read: You wave twice, so I'll take the arm over the ass.) As it started, there was intense pressure and heat as the medicine worked through my arm and chest. I got so woozy she laid me down and pulled the biohazard bag over in case I chose to vom.

Granted, you might think how awful that was. I would beg to differ if you were feeling anything that I was before the shot. This was a magic shot because I could move again, swallow again, and not wish for death. It was magic juice that I will ask for next time if I get this bad again.

Can we also talk about how crazy your sleep and dreams become when you're fevered? Legit brought real life into the book I was reading. What book would be crazy in DC? How about Storm of Swords. It's the third book in the Game of Thrones series that is about medieval fantasy world with a form of zombies, wars, amputations, assassinations, dragons, betrayal, love, families, and big words that I have to look up. I mean, dragons flying around the Washington Monument and knight turning Metro buses into lightening bolts is a normal dream, right?

I digress.

Moral of the story, don't trust google or WebMD for diagnosis.

Let's Get Real

Let's all generally acknowledge some truths: facebook is an escape slash passive aggressive friendships. Twitter is 140 character brags slash complaint vehicle. Blogs are the little part of the internet which is all yours.

So when people post this, it makes me a little cray cray:

Here's why:
Football is just a game. It's not serious. The book of faces is something that gets me through the day. But really when someone tries to say that celebrating the victory of a sports team is a dense face about American culture, I want to know what's so wrong about that if I'm also doing my part to charitable organizations?

Really? I mean, I would like to know who I have to make my check out to for starving kids in Steamboat Springs, Colorado so I can celebrate a Bronco win without judgment. (Side note, median rent in Steamboat was $1,139 in 2009 with average income at $63, 698. You're not living in Steamboat if you're without at least a car. Just sayin'.)

Just because I don't get up on a soapbox about how much money I personally have raised for charity and the number of hours devoted to organizations does not mean that my fb status of "WOOHOO!!! BRONCOS WIN!!! CAN'T WAIT FOR NEXT WEEK TO TAKE ON THE PATS!!" does not mean that I am not aware of the current predicament that American society and the world as a whole have created a strain on limited resources.

Oh, and the Steelers fans don't have that jubilant outlook, so conversely, shouldn't their dismal attitudes be put to work to better the world? I mean, they are already wallowing in their self-pity.

Sorry to burn the Steelers fans, but I can't help it.

Clean Eating

So, somehow, I talked into doing the Clean program. It's a book from some guy, Gweneth Paltrow has done it and loves it, but really it's a 3-week detox. What does this mean?

I got suckered into trying some juice drinking, caffeine & alcohol depriving, major allergen depriving cleanse.

Granted, I have done this before and for much longer by the time everything is said and done, but I'm hoping this time it will be easier since I'll have four other people with me on this.

Basically, you get a juice/shake for breakfast and then a meal at lunch and then a shake at dinner. The meal part is a little tricky because the foods cannot be oranges, grapes, bananas, nightshades (tomatoes, potatoes - thank you, Jeopardy), or corn, no dairy or eggs, no soy, no gluten (I've got that on lock), no red meat, pork, or raw fish, no peanuts, and no refined sugars.

Does that list sound familiar? Yeah, that's what I did back in September 2010 which led me to find gluten es no bueno for me.

I start this crazy road today. I have prepped by not having caffeine for the last three days which means that my headache won't be debilitating at work. We have also worked out a schedule of lunch making so that we don't have to eat the same thing. Also? We have someone in the group to be the juice chef. That means that I have someone delivering my juices/shakes everyday. (Side note, we work together, so it's not like she's coming over to my house a la The Devil Wears Prada.)

I do love how I feel when I'm eating "clean". The time will pass in a blink and before you know it, I can have cheese again. Because, let's be honest, we all know my love of cheese.

Seriously though, I cannot wait to have the kick ass sleep that I got when I was eating whole foods, eradicated all processed foods and generally ate better.

OK. Let's really be honest. I'm doing this for the sleep because it's that damn good. I can suffer through the cravings for the first 3 days or so just to have that blissful sleep. Like I had this weekend. Yes. I slept until 2:30pm. Granted, there were periods of consciousness where I would check fb and twitter, but for the most part, I slept.

Summation of this post, please accept my apologies in advance for anything I say, do, or post out of Hanger (hungry anger) and I love to sleep. Actually, point is, I really love to sleep.

Oh and one last thing:

LET'S GO BRONCOS!!! That's one fine man that threw that game winning cannon to Demariyus Thomas in overtime. I can't wait for Saturday to watch them take on the Pats!

I Should Be Sainted for Bridesmaid Shopping the Day After Christmas

This post is alternatively titled: Don't Eat Like You Got the Tip On a Famine Before Trying On Formal Wear.

Let's just get this out of the way. The week between Christmas and New Years should be called Leggings As Pants Week. But maybe a disclaimer, that it is a privilege, not a right. Prime examples coming from anything at PeopleOfWalmart.com.

Moving on.

I had taken the couple of days before Christmas as days that I managed to eat somewhat healthy, but ate things that I wouldn't normally have...en masse. Like M&Ms, toffee, truffles, popcorn, chips & dip, wine, booze, more chocolate, and more booze. And some more chips & dip and more booze.

I think my food groups were chips, dips, wine, and tequila for the week. Yeah. A little different from Buddy the elf's.

I should have just put on some spanx, sported my leggings and black tunics all week for all the damage I did. And then? I get to go bridesmaid dress shopping. With my friends that 1) can eat anything and not gain anything and 2) is getting married in 3 weeks so she's super strict to make sure her dress fits like a glove.

Not the best idea.

But really, the shopping was fun, my friend found her gown (GORGE!!) and we figured that we didn't really want to get nekked in a dressing room that had a picture of another friend's ex-boyfriend's wedding.

Add that to the list of why I can leave Colorado: you see someone you know everywhere you go. Even in bridal shop dressing rooms.

Dear Teen Mom Tards (With My Thoughts)

Kristen over at First Name Smith wrote the following post: Dear Teen Mom Tards. I have my thoughts in this font. Please note, I agree on all fronts. Legit. And the whole post is here, so no need to click on the link right this second, but go there for her blog in general. Just after you read this.

Dear Teen Mom Tards

I'm sure you all have heard by now that Leah Messer is pregnant with her third child and engaged to her 2nd baby daddy only 6 months following her divorce from Corey. Keep those legs together, gal. Even if you were on BC, you were doing it wrong. 

No? You don't watch Teen Mom?

I follow Teen Mom and 16 and Pregnant religiously. And the only kids with their shit together are the ones that actually gave their child up for adoption rather than playing in the poor house with kids they can't afford and don't necessarily have the maturity to raise on their own. Props toCatelyn and Tyler. Love those two. Even if Tyler needs a new hat. Boyfriend wears the same one every day. I follow them on twitter. I cringe at their grammar, but in the end, they are not as big as a train wreck as others.

I don't really understand, Chelsea. Your inability to see past the fantasy of a true family for you and Aubrey, while Adam is blatantly captain of the douchebag train. And girl... please work out that helmet hair. Its not a good look. Although, I do love your eyeshadow... Mac? Seriously, own up that you're wearing a wig. And then ask Kim Zolciak how to style one. Also? Just because he had a strong swimmer does not make him a strong man. Dump him. NOW. Also? LISTEN TO YOUR FATHER. Adam is a grade-A loser. LA-WHO-ZA-HER. When people in your life aren't around you because you're around a doucher, take that as a sign.

Janelle? You are sitting in your car by yourself crying because none of your friends will bail your abusive boyfriend out of jail on Christmas? Listen, I get it. I have been known to "love" a few asshats in my day. My mom always told me I was a jerk magnent. But honey, Jase is adorable. And you are missing out on the most amazing memories with him while you're running around beating chicks up and getting arrested. You don't realize how good you have it. Except for that mom of yours... she's a nutbag. Kind of explains how you are so bat shit crya cray too. Y'all, you need to go to teenmomtalk.com and get some dish. Apparently her bad taste extends to a mix between Keiffer and Chelsea's Adam. Legit loser. And as far as Keiffer is concerned, I need to slap him upside the head for thinking that he didn't deserve to be jailed for beating someone. THAT WAS FILMED. 'Tard.
Kailyn, you kinda have your shit together. If it weren't for that dufus you're dating, I'd give you an A for effort. Own place, two jobs, asking for help when you need it. Props sistah. But cut your hair. That shit out of control. She needs to chop half of it off. And consider getting some exfoliation. I just want her to get a facial.  Oh, and homegirl needs to get a handle on her facial expressions. Eye rolls, hair tosses, "ughs" all mean something and it's not good in a work-related environment.

Is there an age limit to those shows? Because I'm pretty sure at 32 years old that I shouldn't be into them as much as I am. And I am also pretty sure that I shouldn't relish in their failures and bad decisions as much as I do. But lets face it. Their downward spirals make for good tv. And grant me the opportunity to love in the fact that my life, albeit lame by their drama standards, is hella more stable than theirs.  Every episode validates my life choices. Granted, I don't necessarily have all my poop in a group, but I didn't get knocked up while still having a legal curfew. Also? I love my parents. They aren't batsit bananas, well, I mean, as far as when I was a teenager. There might be signs of aging at this point. But that's another post.

Even on days when my wine supply is low. Or chocolate, for that matter.

and 

More Reasons I'm Not Ready for Kids

Let's get some things straight. I would love to be a mom, just not in the near future. I know that patience will have to replace selfishness when that happens and I'll be OK with that, just not in the near future.

Thanks to my trip to Colorado, I was quickly reminded that there's a lot more to get in line before I even let my biological clock start to tick.

On Christmas, my lovie little Austin was having fun playing horsey and rock-a-bye-baby. So much fun that he got so wound up he bit me. Yes. I said bit. He's only done it another time where he was so excited he didn't know what to do. I was the proof that before he gets too excited, you have to calm him down.

Yep. That's shortly after Austin nipped me.

Over the course of the week, I met my friend's sweet 10-day-old baby, Julian. So that little guy may have not helped the whole biological clock, but then mama and daddy were telling me the stories of sleep deprivation and feeding issues. Again, not ready for that.

Another visit with friends landed me in a chaotic setting of twin boys that are almost 2 with a 3.5 year old and a 18 month old playing with all the cool toys at Grandma & Grandpa's. So much noise, crying, snacks, bangs, sharing, meltdowns, blankets, crying, needing mama, on and on and on. Granted, that's an extreme version of having kids, but the twins were enough in themselves that I'm thinking of writing the Pope a letter for sainthood for all mothers of multiples slash asking for a patron saint of mothers of multiples.

To top off all of the baby talk, I have a friend who is expecting her first baby in July. There was a lot of talk about what to expect when you're expecting and comparing tips, tricks, stories, and overall birth was too much for this kid. No joke, made sure that my BC script was ready for pick up when I got back to DC.

While I'm not ready to take the plunge into motherhood - like, kids are not brought to your doorstep by a stork - the visits and the sweet moments of hugs, kisses, dancing, smiles, and loving with my nephies and niecees do remind me that one day it'll be worth it. 

As another sign, here's the text exchange with my mom after I got back to DC before NYE.

So What Wednesday

If there's one post I'm sure to do, you know it's linking up with Shannon at Life After I "Dew".

So WHAT if...

• I have managed to schedule an entire week of posts? I only wrote this first So What before saving and then edited this before posting.
• I got nearly identical glasses? If they look good, they're made well, why not just kind of update the look?
• My glasses are red? I know, you may be thinking Sally Jesse Raphael, but since it's dark, you can't really tell. But it's there, so it's sassy.
• I only watch DVR and reruns of sitcoms? Really, it makes me watch less TV during the week. Well, that and a good book.
• I am ridiculously into the series from Game of Thrones? I'm on book three of this fantasy medieval series and cannot put it down. Which is good because it's 1200 pages.
• I'm so excited for the new Challenge: Battle of the Exes? If you don't know that Real World/Road Rules has a competition series, then you need to get on it because this season, they are teammates with their exes. And fueled with booze and jealousy. It's going to be oh so good.
• I secretly want to marry CT and have all of his babies? It's only secretly (well, blog-so-secretly) because he's a little cray cray, a little too meat head, but he drops his R's, has a rockin' bod, and gorgeous eyes. Swoon.
• I fear for Leah's over processed and teased hair? If you watch Teen Mom 2, please comment and discuss. Also? Is it just me or does Chelsea wear a wig in some scenes? 
• Speaking of Teen Mom, how does Keiffer think that he doesn't deserve to be arrested for man-handling Janelle? Really? You don't think that you should be held accountable for your actions? Janelle, just RUN away from him. Fast.
• I'm torn between wearing my cute shoes and not wanting to lug them to and from work? I'm not going to walk a mile in them and destroy the tips. It'll have to be a 2-pair ensemble.
• I have lamed out on my blog design? I got frustrated that the hyperlinks don't display differently. I'll get around to updating the look at some point, but not today, not this week. But you guys don't come here for the design, right? It's the content, I'm sure.

Go link up with Mrs. Dew and get a cuteness overload from KP catching snowflakes on her tongue!

Why I Can Leave Colorado

While I was back in Colorado for Christmas, a lot of people were asking me how I would fare leaving Colorado.

Sure. I miss my friends, but with the advent of FaceTime, Skype, facebook, twitter, and well, a phone, I can stay in touch with my friends actively and passively. Not to mention that I do have more friends here in DC and Colorado is just a plane ride away.

Then there's Colorado's gorgeous scenery and sunshine. Granted, I didn't know how much I missed the sun until I was back in Colorado with those clear blue skies over the Rocky Mountains, but I can always look at pictures and visit.

But let's get to the weather. Colorado is unpredictable. The day before I flew out to Colorado, the forecast called for 4"-6" of snow. By the evening, the forecast was more of 10"-16". Yeah. That's a little bit of a swing. The next day, the skies were clear and the views were amazing, but I don't appreciate that 2 hour delay. Also? With the 60 degree days that were the balance of the week made for a sloppy melt off. Not pretty.

Also? You see someone you know everywhere you go. The nail salon, the grocery store, the bars, restaurants, in traffic. EV. REE. WHE. HERE. Granted, it's nice if you want to catch up with people, but most of the time, my hair is a wreck, I have near zero makeup on - if I do, it's leftovers from the day before, and I'm rocking some sort of yoga pant/sweatshirt combo. Of course that's when you see people, but still, let's save each other the judgy looks.

Here's the gist: While I will always be a Colorado girl at heart, I can always visit. I know that I will be back at some point to move my furniture and back again as a bridesmaid in my friend's wedding so there's already trips on the books for little doses of colorful Colorado.


But here's some gorge pictures to remind me.

After 13" of snow, this is the view from my drive. (Don't judge the no look phone photography.)

Mountain of snow in the parking lot of the mall. It eats up prime parking, won't go away for some time,  and after a couple of days it will turn icky brown. Not pretty.

And really? December 23 and it's pushing 60 degrees? The previous day it was in the teens and dumping snow. Oy.

My Merry Christmas and Happy Whatevs

Prepare for picture overload.

But first, I will catch you up a little on Happy Whatevs and Christmas. For the sixth year in a row, I have celebrated Happy Whatevs with my friends in Colorado. It's best to be the Saturday before Christmas, but seeing as that was Christmas Eve this year and I didn't get to Colorado before the 22nd, we opted for a Friday celebration. It was great to see friends from San Francisco and Chicago that were also in town for the holidays which made Happy Whatevs that much sweeter.

Now, for the picture overload. I mean, if a picture is worth a thousand words, surely my captions will suffice for a coherent blog post, yes?

Besties. Four Rio Margaritas in. We're holding each other up.

I miss this kid. No matter the time or distance, it's like our passive fb stalking keeps us up to date.

The main contingent for Happy Whatevs. It was a perfect catch-up-girls-night-out.

Left to my own devices on Christmas morning, I will eat potato chips & French onion dip with a soda and sudoku.

Can you guess which gifts are from me? Given more time before the big day, I would have actually tied wired ribbon.

Wine in a regular glass, my improvised napkin folding, and pine cones.

The ever-present clean up crew at my feet.

Gifts from my mom - the gold bracelet says, "This is the year to...play your cards right, add a twist, have the curiosity of a cat, get lost in a good book, make sparks fly."

Best boot shiner ever from my Hunter Boot Shine thanks to Santa.

Getting ready for Christmas dinner of lobstah.

I've had several dreams of shellfish since.

Yummy, oh so delicious Christmas dinner.

Bringing sexy back.

Fierce. Posing H to T.

Happy New Year

Closing out 2011, I had a great year. Until I woke up with migraine prisms.

Yeah. I spent New Years Eve drinking caffeine, downing water, trying to sleep, and chomping some serious pain relievers. Needless to say, I didn't tie one on for New Years.

I hope that you and yours have reflected on all the changes, events, moments, and awesomeness of 2011. Make sure that you follow through with your intentions in 2012 to make life that much better.

As I said on fb, "I had one kick ass year in 2011. I have also set up 2012 to be more kick assier. Let's do this."

Hope that your 2012 is more kick assier.