Locker Room Etiquette

Given some of my recent "encounters" in the gym locker room, I think that people need some review of locker room etiquette.

Public Gym Rules:

• Do not stand stark naked in the middle of three mirrors drying your hair. That's a sight I can't unsee and I can't look at anything but the floor which makes it hard to do, well, anything.
• Do not keep the door to the sauna open because you want to do your ab workout in a heated environment. I will shut the door when I'm going to use the sauna for its intent: my nap.
• Do not sit on the bench chatting about some disease. Not only are you taking up valuable real estate for my bags, you also make me want to do a 2319 on your skank because you're near me.
• Do not sit in the locker room on your phone. Because you can easily have a conversation clothed and out of the locker room if you took the time to get dressed and get out of the locker room.
• Do not stand as naked as possible for as long as possible. Even though you're not standing in front of three mirrors, you are behind a blind corner and that is, again, a sight I can't unsee.

Work Gym Rules:

•  If you're in the locker room with subordinates, turn around and walk out. Just come back in 5 minutes. Those people are hurrying up to get out of there and you should have a private locker room.
• If you're in the locker room with your superiors, know their schedule and avoid their workout plan. It'll save the awkward turnaround/rush scenario described above.
• No one in your office wants to see/know what you look like sans suit, so be quick with the change.

So ladies and gents, apply these basic rules so that locker rooms can be less awkward than a place where a bunch of strangers are sweaty and naked.

Yeah, I said it.