Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Why I Am Not Quite Ready For Children

Disclaimer: I do want children AT SOME POINT in my life. I do not have ANYTHING against children or their parents, just as a collective sub-culture....more specifically, the Stepford Wife sub-culture that exists in the suburbs. I have a feeling that karma will kick me in the ass, but that's karma. Oh, and I know that a lot of what I have a problem with is the parenting of the child, so let's be honest that I am not ready for that responsibility.

On my drive into work today, I arrived at a three way stop. I was the car to the right, as well as the one coming down a hill. (For those of you not picking up what I am laying down, I had the right of way to the school bus to my left.) So, as I go to enter the intersection, the bus starts going forward, too. I yield, and as the bus driver passes, she stares me down with the stink eye as if I just committed a cardinal sin by trying to take my right of way in front of a school bus. Here are my issues:
  1. Just because you drive school children around in a big yellow bus does not mean that you rule the road.
  2. Clearly, the big yellow school bus would kick my Camry's ass. Knowing this, I would not tango with you. (It's like idiots that play chicken with the LightRail trains downtown.)
  3. You should consider that you are driving children around without proper restraints as required in other vehicles while CLEARLY not paying attention to the road in an excess of 5 seconds while giving me the stink eye. Pay attention to the road. (Refer to my previous post that your bus does not have "Police" on the side.)
  4. You drive a school bus for a living. I win. (Burn.)
From there, I unleashed a string of expletives as I drove down the road. (Classy, I know.) Realizing that I cursed like a sailor and that language is highly inappropriate in front of children, I started to think about other reasons I'm not ready for children. I guess that is more the issue with the bus driver rather than the children, but I still have a resentment to the buses that make me wait for the kids to load the bus and hold up traffic at railroad crossings.

Another reason that I'm not quite ready for children: Vacation. My co-workers, and many others in the office must account for time off based upon their children's school schedule. Spring break being a prime example. While I'm sure that I'll want to spend time with my children, I don't want some third-party (their school district) telling me when I get a break from work for a possible vacation. On the same note, having to use sick leave for the kids' doctor's appointments also chaps my hide.

Thirdly, I like nice things. Kids don't know what to do with nice things. Enter the cousin's kids that run about, ripping things, getting their grubby hands over everything, throwing things about with care, generally just blatant disregard for the value of treating objects with care. I don't let them use my Wii without being supervised.

I also like to spend money exactly when and where I want it. Trip to Vegas? Done. Day at the spa? Done. Buying yet another pair of shoes? Done. Buying diapers? Hells no. I am a single and selfish. While the two are not synonymous, they both apply to me. I know that I am harsh, but I've never denied being a bitch. I still maintain that if I like you, I'm just a bitch with a bleeding heart.

I would also conjecture that my blog is reason enough that I'm not ready for children of my own. Oh, well. It's my life as I choose to live it right now.


  1. Classic Ana! Thank for keeping me entertained this Wednesday afternoon.

  2. If you end up with a kid like Lilly there won't be much problem!! As for the nice things, Lilly might get an ipod shuffle for her own little music while we go on runs. It's all about how they're raised, I'm sure that you would end up with your own mini you anyway...Fabulous!!

  3. That's what I'm afraid of, Heather!! I can barely handle myself, much less a mini-me...I'll need you to be my support group leader when the time comes!

  4. Lilly is the cutest kid ever! We will all have mini-me's sooner than later with all the upcoming nuptials!

  5. I'll be here for support anytime!!

  6. I doubt if karma will be coming after you for that one...I mean, karma has bigger fish to fry. It's for those of us that said things like "I will say that when I have kids"n and then end up shouting up the stairs "somebody's gonna end up cryin'." Kids are great--but I applaud you (loudly) for THINKING before you have them.