Thursday, July 12, 2012

Street Sense

Does your city have those people hawking papers on the corner to "Help the homeless!"? They are all over DC and from what I understand are very useful to help people get back on their feet.

Anyway, the point of the blog title is only that there was a Street Sense hawker on the same street corner where I noticed a lot of women missing their own street sense. Now, let's talk about what is not acceptable work wear. Because? There's a whole lotta wrong walking around DC.

Hemlines & Necklines
I may be old school, but if your skirt/dress hem doesn't come to your finger tips when your arms are at your sides, your skirt and hem are too short. No. You don't get to say, "Ally McBeal paved the way for shorter skirts." Ally McBeal is fake, your career is real.

As for necklines, don't use Love & Hip Hop Atlanta as your guide. Or Kim Zolciak's need for a "little side boob". Or any reality TV show for that matter. You should not be able to see any decollete. When in doubt, don't let them out. Trust when I say that covering them up does more than letting it all hang out.

You know who you are, girls. I would say ladies, but in truth, a lady would not reveal as much skin as you do. I'm looking at the Hill when I say this. Just because you're working for free does not mean you should also give the milk away for free. Lock it up.

You know how some pencil skirts have slits? Oh, I only mention it because it doesn't seem like a lot of you ever look at the back of your skirts. Why do I say that? Because I can see your Britney. Yeah. On the escalators, on the street, when you sit down. Everywhere. You need to make sure that when you try on a skirt that the slit doesn't come up to 2" below your booty. That makes you like a Skin-tern.

I get it. This is a walking town. You walk everywhere and you want to look good doing it. That means that you need to find yourself a cobbler. You need to invest in shoes that can be repaired. You need to buy shoes with the understanding that they will stretch. You need to know that you looked busted when you can't walk on your heels because they are so worn down they are crooked.

Now that you're going to get some decent shoes, let's talk about heel height. If it has a platform under the toes, be careful. That's the first sign of stripper heels. I'm not saying you can't wear them to the office, I'm just saying be careful. Now, if the actual stiletto is more than 4" (with or without a platform), you need to be careful. If it gives the illusion, you might be street walking, if you know what I mean. Also? The higher the heal, the longer the hemline. Again, you need to avoid looking like a Skin-tern.

As for commuter shoes, you know, those comfy flats? Make sure those aren't busted either. Or a tennis shoe. They make cute flats. That are comfortable. That go with a range of outfits. Don't make yourself look haggard before the day even begins.

While I know that commuting means that you're sporting a tote or a large purse, make sure it's not bordering on looking like luggage. I get that you're bringing in a pair of heels to wear around the office. Keep a standard pair at the office and you'll save some space. Packing your lunch? You can find really adorable lunch bags that don't incite the use of a carry-on. Consider a kindle or a nook if you're an avid reader of any sort. They have magazines and newspapers available and save space in your bag.

Also? Reusable totes from the grocery store? Are for groceries. Not for your commute. Upgrade. You're a big kid now and should be equipped as such.

Hair & Nails
Now that you're a big kid, that means that you need to wash and do your hair and make sure your manicure isn't ragged. I'm not saying you should have a blowout every week, but make sure you brush your hair, don't leave the house with wet hair, style bumps from ponytails out. Look like you're at least trying. I'm not saying I have stellar hair everyday, but more often than not, it looks decent.

For nails, I'm also not saying that you should be getting a mani every week either. I, in fact, do a lot of at home mani's. It's easy to see when your cuticles should be pushed back or trimmed. It's easy to shape your nails with a file. And? If you don't keep your color with you for chip fixes, I recommend Seche Vite Speed Dry Top Coat (raved about here by Kelly at Keeping Up With Kelly & Co.) or plunking down for a gel manicure. Otherwise, you need to maintain your nails. Chipped nails look trashy. And it's OK to not have anything on them at all. Trust when I say than a nude nail is better than a chipped nail.

Now, before you start spitting venom at me for calling people out, let me tell you this: I have been guilty of all of these sins. I have realized it at the end of the day, at a mid-morning mirror check, by a friend pointing out the twins are looking for a promotion, that I whack people on the bus with my bag, that I'm unprepared when I chip a nail at work. I get it. It's hard to be put together. But if you don't know you're doing it, it's hard to know it's happening. I think this post mostly came out of seeing all of this on the way home from work and me hoping and praying that I've never been a victim, but alas, I have. I know it. So don't go hating on me for calling out the anonymous masses.

Check yourself before you wreck yourself, that's all.

1 comment:

  1. LOL! We once got an office memo that said no overalls or tube tops in the office.