Tuesday, July 10, 2012

I'm Handy and I Know It

Oh, LMFAO, how you are not the soundtrack to my life. (Mostly.)

Anyhoo, I got crafty and handy at the yoga studio the past couple of days. They wanted a menu box similar to what you would see outside of a restaurant, but for class schedules, workshops, etc. So I offered my skillz and drill up for the job.

There was a lot of consultation with the True Value Hardware across the street, countless smacks to kill mosquitoes, lots of cursing when the glue wouldn't set because it was hotter than Hades, some more cursing when holes wouldn't line up, and a lot more cursing that mosquitoes were having a Golden Corral feast on me.

In the end, it took the following:
(3) 1x4s
Trim pieces of choice
(2) cans of spray paint
(1) plastic planter
(2) brackets
(12) anchors
(12) screws of appropriate length
(1) 1/4" drill bit for brick/mortar
(1) can bug repellent
(1) fancy millwork (wood) decorative piece
Plexiglass (do the big sad lip and have your hardware store cut it for you
scrap wood to be a backing since you're not mounting to an even surface
Wood glue
Heavy things

Assemble your pieces and glue them together. Make sure you put heavy things on top and let them cure (sit) for at least 30 minutes in a reasonably temperatured environment, i.e., not outside where it's pushing 95. Once that's done, spray your first coat of spray paint on the entire piece. It'll get dirty, more fingerprints, and pieces of newspapers on it, so we'll do another coat later.

Now that you've let the painted everything and let it set overnight, you're going to mount it to the brick wall that doesn't have an even surface. (Why did the mason that put this building together 100 years ago not make this wall at one elevation? Why did you have to kick it back 2"??) Anyway, you're going to drill through all the pieces and the brick. Because? Otherwise, your holes will probably not line up and you'll end up with a less than level frame. Once you have used all of your strength to drill through the wood and brick, you're going to push in the anchors into the holes. From there, you'll screw in the frame to the wall.

Now, onto the planter. While you were assembling the frame, you glued on the fancy will work to the side of a clay colored, plastic window planter. And then you gave it a coat of spray paint. Now you're going to drill hole in the back to mount to the wall with washers and set it up on the brackets so when you add soil and flowers, it won't rip away from the wall.

In the end, you'll have spray paint all over (remove with vaseline or oil), 14 mosquito bites, and because you didn't listen to my advice about drill through all the pieces at once and making sure the backing was sercure, a little less than level frame, but it looks good with a planter so no one will care.

It was level before I screwed it into the brick.

Whatever. Add some flowers and informational pamphlets and you'll have yourself a shabby chic display.
p.s. These pictures are the "almost done" pictures. There's some plexiglass and of course the whole part of mounting information, but this is what I had before I left. I'll post "done done" pictures later.

The post was also alternatively titled, "Pinterest, I Hate You for Making It Look Easy".

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