Monday, May 16, 2011

Phoenix or Bust

Last week, I went to Phoenix to celebrate my little baby cousin's graduation from Arizona State.

Time out:
Little Lisa is amazing for being summa cum laude in Interior Design on a full-ride scholarship. Homegirl has her shizz together more than me and her sister combined during our undergrad days. Seriously proud of Lil Mama.

Strike a pose.

Time in.

So, to get to Phoenix, I had quite the experience.

It started off with a TSA agent on her phone and incapable of using words. Not all TSA ID checkers have the mobile boarding pass scanners, so I wanted to double-check who I should get in line with instead of wasting time in the wrong line. The TSA agent I approached was at the check point, but on her phone. She pointed to someone else that was not a TSA agent. No words, no grunts, just a point. So when I asked the person she pointed to, he told me they are all on the left. See? I knew I needed to ask. I apologized for asking him since it was a TSA based question, but since homegirl/nasty face was on the phone, I had to ask him. She proceeded to give me the stink eye as I walked back by her. Go ahead, lady. Try to piss me off. I'll win. Clearly, you're not paying attention when there are studies that show being on your phone is a distraction. If it's not work related, you'd be in trouble. If it is work related, I know that you use walkie-talkies. I win. Oh, and you're a TSA agent, I win at life in comparison.

Next up was my new favorite person. Seriously. How can you NOT want to be BFFs with a grandpa that sports this neck pillow?

You're my boy, Blue!
Once I landed at JFK, waited on the tarmac because we were almost an hour early, I went into the terminal for some dinner before boarding my insanely long flight. (Did I mention it was SIX hours?) While enjoying my dinner the fire alarm went off with alarms and lights. Being New York, no one did anything. Everyone was business as usual. Whatever. I'll be a lemming and wait for someone to tell me to evacuate. I think this may have triggered the cooling system to shut off though because it was more than 80 degrees on the concourse. DYING of heat.

Nerd Alert: The Airbus A380 double-decker plane.
While charging up my phone, I sat outside the gate for a flight to Stockholm. I may or may not have developed Stockholm Syndrome/Stockholm Stalking (still working on a catchy name) with this guy. Yum. But then he put on a newsboy hat and clipped his cell phone to his belt. He's out.

No. This isn't at all creepy. At. All.

JFK also has waiting areas that are more like library and restaurant tables with iPad for fliers use. It was pretty cool that you could mess around with an iPad while waiting for your flight.

On my next flight, the plane was equipped with video, so the safety announcement was done via video. Maybe it's because lately my office mate and I have been in a Goodfellas frame of mind, I swear that Ray Liotta was in the video putting on his oxygen mask before putting it on a little kid. It looks like he's talking to the kid before he does it. I imagine he said, "F*ck you, pay me." (Watch Goodfellas. Do it.) Once the seatbelt light went off and I could move about the cabin, I went to the bathroom and pushed on the door that was slightly ajar. I met some resistance because someone was in there! How do you not see that the door is ajar and the bathroom is really dim? Dumbass.

Apparently last Wednesday had a lot of weather systems that I had to fly around because I was about 30 minutes late getting in (10pm AZ time, 1am my time). I landed to a flurry of text messages and voicemails from my aunt and my mom to call or text when I landed. One of the texts? A picture of my mom's plane in Denver covered in SNOW. That's right. It snowed in Denver in May.

Through various delays, I was the first to arrive got to wait for my cousin to land so one trip out to my aunt and uncle's house would be made. So my planning of landing with everyone was for not and I beat everyone by a big margin. Needless to say I was a little cranky pants before I got into the giddy stupor of sleep deprivation.

My mom's flight was delayed a second time when they ran out de-icer and had to get more. Once they were looking like they were going to take off, the de-icer bucket clipped the wing of the plane and grounded the flight. At this point, it was almost 2am and my mom threw in the towel and went home.

Although my mom didn't make it, it was nice to see my grandma and the AZ branch of the family tree. I hadn't been to their digs in the desert since they moved 4 years ago, so it was good that I finally made it out there.

Note to self: Smooth out the dress so I don't look preggo.

Now, if I could just get my jet lag under control. Seriously. This morning I had two cups of coffee and a 5 Hour Energy and I still felt like I needed to tape my eyelids open. Guess who's getting an early bedtime tonight? This kid.

Desert sunrise. Waking up at 5am has its perks.

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